Ok I admit I’m a fan of fighting. 

I’m not saying I’m an expert or a master practitioner. I stopped training after high school and realize I’m more of a lover than a fighter. But I’ve been in my share of fights and understand it to a certain degree both literally and metaphorically. You have to in this world. 

And one thing I’ve observed and propose is there are three phases to a good fight. 

The first phase is feeling out your opponent. Not being too aggressive at the start. A jab or a faint here and there while allowing your mind to understand the movements of your opponent and evaluating the distance between you and them. An added benefit to this phase is building up a cardiovascular pace for the rest of the fight.

The second phase is what I call pulling out your weapons. Every fighter has their favorite weapons and after they’ve felt each other out they can attack. This phase usually involves some back and forth action especially if the fight is on the feet. You see this clearly in kickboxing. If one fighter can endure the attack of the other than they reciprocate with their own. 

Hopefully you aren’t defending yourself on the ground against a good wrestler. In that case your wrestling IQ comes into play. 

The third phase is what I think separates good fighters from champions. If fighters find themselves in this phase they either rise to the occasion or find themselves swimming against a very strong current. After both fighter’s weapons have been drawn there’s only one factor left that helps determine the outcome. Endurance. 

It’s like a new plane of existence. 

I’ve heard fighters describe it as ‘out of body’ experiences. Something shifts in the minds of a fighter with good endurance. Their arsenal deepens. Their pace increases. They realize their full potential. It’s evident to the observer and slowly but surely we witness a divergence between the two. I think of the first fight between Nate Diaz and Conor McGreggor. While one fighter simply survived the current the other straight up surfed it.  

That is unless we are blessed enough to witness a comeback. 

As I said I’m more of a lover than a fighter. But when it comes to my family I will always fight for them. And I don’t mean physically. I mean I will fight for their integrity, their livelihoods, their reputations, their safety. Outside of my family I’m actually pretty chill. 

Call me old school but if we got a problem we can work it out. It’s that simple. In Christian scripture Jesus says the entire catalog of laws could be summarized in one overarching principle. 

Treat others as you wish to be treated. 

In the words of Raekwon on the ‘Clyde Smith’ track on Ghostface Killah’s album Supreme Clientele when speaking to 50 Cent, “If you want something ask me for it but if you think you gonna try to do that Tom and Jerry $*%& on me never never.” Translation: If you got something to say to me say it to my face. We can talk it about it. But don’t go behind my back, speak lies, or try to undermine my integrity. 

Wu Tang were calling people out on their albums. That was an era for sure.  

There’s a difference however between a professional fight and the fights we face in life. We can avoid fights out here and we should. But it never hurts to know how. Literally and metaphorically. Be safe out here people. 

And choose your fights wisely. 

I’ve been living life based on numbers. What do I mean by that? 

Call me crazy but I catch myself counting in my head for no good reason. I do have reason but I realize it isn’t a good one. I use to look for angel numbers as though 4:44 pm was more than just symbols on my digital device but a direct message from heaven.

I count those to be symptoms of the numbers game.

Numbers are helpful. They’ve helped me set goals and manifest them. Mental, physical, emotional, social, educational and career goals. 

In 2015 I graduated with a Master’s Degree. In 2021 I set the goal of saying my affirmations every day. In 2022 I set the goal of reading one book a month on top of every other goal. 

Every year I look at my network and evaluate how much it’s grown. Every year I look at my earnings. Every year I look at how much exposure I’ve gotten. How many eyes have seen my work. 

But to be completely honest I’m tired of numbers. 

Yes numbers are helpful but is there a point where they become detrimental? Are affirmations helpful when I’m stressed out about saying them? Is it beneficial for me to read a book when my focus is not comprehension and enjoyment? 

I’ve watched many motivational videos emphasizing the importance of discipline. As they say without discipline we won’t reach our goals. Discipline and numbers go hand in hand. 

And while I generally agree with that statement I think they are missing the point.

Without heart, there’s no desire to reach a goal. Without heart, a book is just paper pages with symbols on them. Without heart, affirmations become clanging cymbals. 

Living with heart creates balance. It provides purpose. Numbers do lie. They are not why we do what we do. Just tools to help us get where we want to go. 

We are why we do what we do. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to see all my peers and competitors thrive in the industry we work in. That “industry” I’m referring to is the fashion, streetwear, and editorial photography industry. It feels like this year overall was a win for LA and as a result a win for the entire region of Southern California. But as you know the realities behind the photos aren’t always aligned with what people see.

I happen to be born and raised in a part of Southern California known as the “IE.” What was once an unmentioned part of the world can now be heard on Nas’ new track Hood 2 Hood. An affirming title for us as being part of a global community. If you’re from the IE and occupy similar spaces as I do you’re either accommodatingly proud or indifferent about claiming it. 

I’m somewhere in the middle.

I’ve lived on Rialto Ave. in San Bernardino where windows were caged and an occasional drive by was something you got used to. I’ve lived on Laurelwood Dr. where I’d walk past S.W.A.T. teams on the hunt. I’d walk under the Interstate 10 Freeway to the private school I attended on the nicer side of town. I’ve been robbed at gunpoint, arrested, and jumped. I’ve also reciprocated those acts to some degree and am not proud of it. But I’m not here to indulge in where I’ve lived or what I’ve been through. 

It’s a hidden handshake to share your street cred with others who have similar backgrounds.

Ironically, I currently live in Orange County which has its own issues. We live near the beach where my family and I spend much of our time but I do most of my work in Los Angeles. LA is my playground for all things creative and photography related. There’s something familiar about LA that I appreciate. 

If you haven’t seen the Tim Burton movie Edward’s dark dilapidated house on the hill stands in stark contrast to the bright cookie cutter tract homes below. In one scene Edward longingly looks down upon the homes through a shattered window. Unfortunately for him the people living in those homes look at him as a freak. An outsider at the very least. Interestingly enough it’s Edward’s strangeness and lack of assimilation that gives him his vantage point and ultimately his advantage. 

Like I said this year has been a W for us all. The Rams winning the Super Bowl was more than just a championship. It was a symbol of the wavelength we all seem to be on. We’re good at what we do. We’re resilient. We’re diverse. We’re in this together. And most of all it’s our time.

Although my 49er family tribe was heartbroken at me cheering for the Rams.

My White and Hispanic people make up most of the population in LA county at 70% (White) and 50% (Hispanic or Latino). Black or African American make up 9%. Asians make up 15% and Pacific Islanders make up 0.4%. My father immigrated from Indonesia in the 80s and my mother moved to mainland from Hawaii after high school. I identify as Asian and Pacific Islander. 

This ain’t a pity party. But the rude awakening I’ve had since working in and around LA is that I’m the minority. As a result I’ve seen opportunities given to the majority groups this year. A lot of opportunities. I’ve also seen commercial companies prioritize certain groups and follow certain trends because it makes them look good. It makes them look like they care about equality while on the inside they’re rot. 

As contradictory as I may sound I celebrate the wins of all my peers, all races, sexual orientation, and ages. I support their decision to work with whomever they choose be it publications, individuals, or brands. As I gained from a friend, model, and respected peer, “a bag is a bag.” I’m not afraid to say I’m out here chasing the bag too. So maybe I’m just like the brands I accuse. 

But as this year wraps I’ve reflected on what actually matters. This year I’ve had to mature. I’ve had to practice acceptance. I’ve had to learn how to support all my people from the sidelines. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. 

Maybe it’s not a competition to begin with but a beautiful mosaic of people finding where they belong. Someone recently told me, “there’s enough room.” I believe and hold onto that affirmation. I have to. 

I’m truly grateful for my own personal W’s this year. Times when I wasn’t on the sidelines. Times when my community cheered me on. There have been good times and at the same time my time is coming. They can ignore me until they can’t. And there is enough room. 

Peace 2022. On to 2023. 

B